Testing the Waters

I am not absolutely new to blogging, but lets just say that up ’til this point I haven’t been very consistent about it. But, today is day 171 for me, which might require a bit of explaining. After almost 36 years with one person, I finally made the excruciating decision to separate. In the State of Virginia, there is no such thing as a legal separation – but there is a process of deciding on a legal date that starts the clock ticking towards divorce. There are exactly 365 days required before filing the legal documents and as soon as I returned from this enlightening conversation with my lawyer – I immediately took my calendar and numbered backwards starting with 365 and working towards 1. That’s how I arrived at today being day 171 in that onward march.

This blog is, in a way, the written record of those days in the chrysalis – the metamorphosis/transformation in process – the good, the bad, the ugly and the transcendently beautiful. God(dess), Universe, Higher Power – whatever you like to call your True North has a way of turning every moment into a teaching moment, if we are only open and willing to be taught. This process, much like the chrysalis phase – had a much earlier beginning, much like those carefree caterpillars munching on delicious green leaves and soaking up lovely sunshine – but there is time for that story as well. Let us just say that this caterpillar woke up about 7 or so years ago and tried everything that it knew, using beliefs that had served it very well for many, many years only to find that this particular situation was VERY different than any it had ever experienced before and the very same beliefs, attitudes and responses that had “seemed” to work very well with little or no tinkering, suddenly didn’t cut it any more. So began a journey of awakening, growth and learning that have led me to some very different conclusions. And I had a crazy idea that there might be others on similar paths that would resonate with the things that were touching my heart deeply. During this process, I took classes in Photoshop for Inspirational Pages (FB) and started a number of pages where I shared my art and bits and pieces of wonderful little jewels of knowledge that were daily showing up in my life – little serendipities, what I used to call coincidences, but that I now know are loving “bread crumbs” sent by my guardians and guides to ease my way and introduce what used to be considered radical ideas by my old self.

The crux of this transformation is that I have committed to writing a book – one that will include 365 writings. One for each day of my journey to a new life, a new beginning. My mother kindly sent me a package of books to read for traversing this new ground and one of them really touched a chord with me, called “Without This Ring,” written by a wise and insightful woman named Abby Rodman. One of her suggestions for dealing with all the changes was to journal (which I have been doing for a number of years) but the other was “Write a book – even if you’re the only one to ever read it.” (page 189) so I’m taking her advice. I was also greatly influenced by some statistics that she quoted (and I’ll mention these loosely and promise to provide back-up as soon as possible.) She said that the divorce rate for people 50 and older has more than doubled since 1990 and that is a staggering thought considering that more that half the married people in the United States are over 50 – that 66% of these divorces are initiated by women and that about 50% of the women she surveyed for her book said that their partners were psychologically or emotionally abusive. The bottom line is, that women my age (50-something) are no longer willing to accept abuse in return for status, security or the status quo – which has started news agencies talking about mid-life or “gray” divorce. Looking at these figures – I know that I am NOT alone in making the decision that whatever years I have left (and I hope they are many) that I want to live them in peace, and in harmony and from a  place of making decisions that support my spirit – because YES, this is going to be a blog about spirit and finding those parts of ourselves that we shelved many years ago in favor of whatever didn’t rock the boat.

So I hope you will join me here. I will primarily write about women and our experiences, simply because that is where my experience lies – and I will be writing from a perspective of separation, although I believe that much will apply to others who have experienced the death of a spouse or partner. Please do not be put out by my mention of God, because that is simply the way I was brought up to talk about The-Power-That-Created-All. Use whatever term fills your heart with peace and allows you to open yourself to the possibility that you are on the right path, you are guided and that you knew in your deepest level of your soul, that this transformation (though devastatingly painful and unbelievably confusing at times) was absolutely necessary for your elevation to the next best level of YOU.

In Peace and Grace,

Shauna